Posts Tagged ‘When We Were’

Of All the Stupid Things
Of All the Stupid Things by Alexandra Diaz

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Content warnings: lesbian relationships, cheating, heterosexual relationships, homophobia, possible gay relationships, possible bisexual representation, sex, alcohol use, deals with loss of parent

I received an ARC via Netgalley in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Though, the book on Netgalley is listed as When We Were. Which made finding this on Goodreads and Amazon a little difficult as I had to bring up all the books by the author and read the descriptions until I found them (luckily the author doesn’t have many). And depending on the version it’s either listed as When We Were or Of All The Stupid Things.

There were things I liked about this book. But overwhelmingly, there was so much I DIDN’T like that I *COULDN’T* rate it higher than 2 stars.

The few things I liked:

The fact that the main character wasn’t perfect and wasn’t beloved by all. She was flawed, she fucked up, she made amends…well she made some amends. She was also a hypocrite in some aspects but I’ll get to that in my dislikes.

The fact that one of the main character’s best friends realises that though she’s lost a parent she’s also gained one with her step parent. And that she may be the glue that holds the trio together but that she doesn’t *WANT* to be that anymore and she wants to stop being in that position in her friendships. And she goes and starts working on her own friendships. And that the main character starts realising what a shitty position she’s put her in and apologise to her.

The main character’s mother initially having a bit of homophobia but realising she wants her daughter happy above all else and working to get over it and see her daughter happy above all else was nice. It wasn’t perfect. But she tried. She made the effort. She didn’t forbid her from seeing the girl who made her happy. She encouraged her.

The things I didn’t like:

The main character after getting out of a relationship with her boyfriend and then getting into a relationship with a girl and then criticizing her ex boyfriend for possibly being with another boy. Constantly. Like through the rest of the book. Every time she thought he was with another boy she was being a hypocritical asshole about it. Like it was ok for her to be with a girl but wasn’t at all ok for him to be with a guy because girls being with girls is completely ok but boys dating boys isn’t ok and that was just…..frustrating as hell.

The gay(?)bi(?) boy being shown as a playboy who will go for anyone regardless of relationship status just because he can and just to fuck with relationships was really frustrating. Especially as he wasn’t really shown as either gay or bi. But it was implied he was one or the other. Especially as bisexual representation in media is really bad. And that plays into really bad bisexual representation (and as a formerly identified bisexual person that really rubs me the wrong way).

The main characters girlfriend and rich best friend being at each other’s throats most of the book just because and for no other reason than that. And a misunderstanding from something overheard in a locker room. Like. The fact that the main character couldn’t be arsed to give her best friend the time of day to even LISTEN to her concerns. Just dismissed them. Granted, in high school, I was also pretty ridiculous in that aspect but if someone came to me with a concern I would at least listen to them (I did have times where people came to me with concerns over people I was crushing HARD on and I did listen to their concerns and didn’t just go “shut up you’re lying they’re beautiful and I can’t be friends with you because you’re just jealous so stop talking”. Like one time I distinctly remember was someone who I was head over heels for but he had apparently raped a few girls and they had actually come up to a few of my friends and told them and my friends told me what they had told them and a week later he actually was arrested because of that so in a way they actually saved me because of that even though that’s not the case in this book. But what I’m saying is LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS IF THEY COME TO YOU WITH A CONCERN) and not immediately dismiss them as “you’re just jealous”. I think that was the worst.

Calling your best friend clingy when you’re intentionally avoiding her and making her super insecure. What kind of asshole does that? I wouldn’t want a friend that didn’t worry about me. Everyone shows worry differently. Yeah, it would annoy me if someone called me a bunch and left a bunch of messages, BUT, if they had been doing that since we were kids and that was how they showed they cared and worried and I was going through a tough time? I’d be touched. Annoyed, but touched. And I’d at least text them to let them know I’m ok (or call them to let them know I’m ok and I appreciate their worry and showing they care).

Using your friend who has a bad sense of direction for your own gains. “We’re worried about (friend) running off so let’s look in completely opposite direction she probably ran off in so we can go have fun because she’s probably fine”. ┬áThat’s just…..frustrating doesn’t even begin to cover it for me. Infuriating barely scratches the surface.

Also using the guy who is obviously head over heels for you for sex and buying you things and homework/notes but with no intention of being in a relationship with him. I mean, I hate using the term tease but that is essentially what you’re doing is being a tease. By all means, have sex. Use condoms while having sex. Screw up. Drink alcohol. All while in high school. But don’t play with other people’s emotions like that. It’s cruel. And unnecessary. Hormones do that enough to us as it is we don’t need others to do that as well.

I wouldn’t recommend this book. I also wouldn’t stop someone from reading it either. But there’s a LOT of homophobia in it. Like, all of the main character’s friends have SO MUCH homophobia in them. One of them tries her hardest to get over it because she wants her friend to be happy and wants to try to be friends with both her and her girlfriend. And she tries to hide her internal disgust at the public displays of affection between the two girls and the shock of it since her best friend hasn’t been, in the past, one to be up for showing public displays of affection (which the shock thing is a perfectly normal thing to feel when someone goes from not normally showing public displays of affection to suddenly doing so). The girlfriend’s parents are also hugely homophobic as well. Not to mention the main character has her own bits regarding her ex boyfriend potentially being with another guy. Ok being with one guy in particular. Being with the potentially gay/bi boy. There’s also the bit where the main character’s dad who walked out on them comes back for a scene with his new wife and son but it’s so inconsequential that for the unspoken interaction between the main character and the son it could have been left out almost completely.

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